Is this the Beginnings of a Good Story?

I'm confused. Is Alli dead or not? And it seems weird that the dad's very first reaction would be sheer panic when for all he knows, Alli just had to go to the bathroom. Plus, the sudden fainting was overkill, and you didn't take enough time for me to care about the characters before they all suddenly started drowning. Maybe it actually happens, but your hospital scenario with the instant blood pressure drop seems weird and unbelievable. If this IS a common occurrence and you've researched it, explain why and how it happens, because right now it makes no sense. Things happen way too quickly for me to connect to any of it. It just seems so abrupt. And for some who was so stressed out that he fainted just because his daughter was missing, he sure doesn't seem to care when he finds out she's dead. There's a lot lacking here.